Episode 1: The Case of the Mystery Caller & the Missing Envelope

This week was a bit of a spicy one, which started earlier than usual on Monday when Grandma called my mom to ask about a confusing piece of mail she'd received. I was out running errands with my mom so I tagged along when she stopped to visit and look at the letter in person. When we arrived, we were greeted almost immediately with an exasperated confession:

The Mystery Caller

"Well, I suppose I should tell you I got a call from someone who said they were from the bank, and I'm pretty sure I got off the phone before I told them anything too important, but I guess it probably wasn't the bank after all, was it?"

Cue my mom and I simultaneously "What did you tell them?"

"I'm not really sure, nothing too important, besides what can they even do with any information I could give them?"

Me: "Did you read them any numbers?" (Thinking asking more specific questions might confuse or overwhelm her, but perhaps she'd remember reading off of something)

My mom: "Mom, never EVER talk to anyone calling from the bank. The bank won't call you on the phone EVER."

Grandma: "I'm sure it's nothing... Truth be told he hung up on me when I told him all I have is a debit card."

My mom continues to gently interrogate her as we enter her apartment, never getting a straight answer on whether she'd given any personal or card information, and my Grandma getting less and less comfortable with the whole conversation the longer it went on.

Here's the thing. My Grandma is an extremely upstanding, faithful, Christian woman. This is the first time I've ever seen her reluctant to tell anything exactly as it happened. It is hard to tell these days whether her memory is really so fuzzy in a situation like this that she's "unsure" or if she's so embarrassed after the fact that she's hoping to save face somewhat by not having to admit being "had" by a scam artist. I have a feeling it's perhaps the latest in a string of subtle personality shifts I've watched my grandmother undergo in the past 10 years or so as her hearing and memory have begun fading, the latter more drastically in the past couple of years.

The piece of mail was a proof of life document she has to sign and submit once a year for something and my mom helped her take care of it. During their conversation, I overheard my mom explaining to my grandmother that she only has one bill to pay  herself each month, the rest are auto-drafted, and that is her cable bill.

Fast forward to Thursday, my mom and aunt have decided to cancel my Grandma's debit card and order a replacement just in case, because they never could get a straight answer about what information she gave the mystery caller. My mom made a special trip to Grandma's bank to get cash for her until the new card arrives, and I took it with me when I picked her up for our weekly lunch. She got into the car and immediately said "We'll need to stop at the bank first" and I handed her the cash and told her my mom had already made the trip for her. The next thing out of her mouth was "I've just gotten so stupid I suppose!"

I really hate to hear such a brilliant, vibrant, sweet friend of mine say that about herself.

When we got to the restaurant, she was overwhelmed by the menu, and decided to order whatever I had ordered. This was a first. 

The Missing Envelope

As we ate she mentioned she had an errand she needed to run, to pay a bill in person, because they hadn't included an envelope to mail the check. I was confused because I knew she only had one bill that's not on autodraft and it wasn't that one, and it had already been paid this month. So I texted my mom to confirm & she did, so I asked Grandma if I could see the bill. It was a statement confirming payment. I really wish those kinds of mail could be opted out.

It took several tries to convince her that it was not a bill, and she finally clicked that there was no envelope included because it was not a bill. Then she called herself stupid again.

I asked if she had any more errands and she said she needed Christmas cards, so I took her to Half Price Books to find a box of them for a good price. She was back to her usual self as she browsed the cards, confidently picky and pleased with her choice. Walking out she was extra pleased with herself "The caption is nice, but it doesn't say 'Merry Christmas,' so if I want to add a note I can say that without having to write something long and personal. I meant to buy a cookie at the restaurant on the way out. Oh well, they have cookies at [the senior community she lives at], I'll just have one of those."

That's what she's usually like. 

This season has always been a big one for her, she & my Grampa met in community theater and used to be the best Santa & Mrs. Claus in history. I kind of hope all the trappings and festivities will wake that up in her, help jog her memory a bit. When she's confident or distracted by a task, & when she's not aware of the foggy moments, she's herself.

Introduction: The Elderly Chronicles

For the past 12 or so years, I've been having a weekly brunch/lunch date with my grandmother. She is 91 years old now, so it's been a pretty significant transitional life phase to be privy to, all the more so because I'm a writer and a counseling major and I can't help but observe the changes to her as she's going through this incredibly special phase of life. 

Most people do not go through the latest phase of life as gracefully as my Grandma, and I've been blessed to get the opportunity to get to know her really well on our regular dates, and to learn from her and gain a deep appreciation for her experience and unique insight into life. I've also gotten to see a very gradual progression into the physical, emotional, and mental toll that age takes on a person, rather than a rapid one. It is still hard, but the slower progression makes it easier to see the humor in the senile moments, and look for optimistic perspectives on the inevitable physical deterioration, and reflect on the unexpected emotional toll that aging is having on the woman who has become one of my best friends over the last decade.

So these will be The Elderly Chronicles, a respectful, honest, raw, and (ideally) hopeful record of my family caring for our beloved grandmother in her advanced golden years.